I HAVE REACHED THE END OF THE TUNNEL AND THERE IS LIGHT!

I have officially completed my "active" treatment for breast cancer. I had my last radiation treatment on October 20th. I had a genetics test to see if I had a mutation on the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene and the results were negative! If it had of been positive, I was going to need a mastectomy and removal of lymph nodes. So happy that it was negative. The reason that was needed was becuase my type of breast cancer was Tripple Negative Breast Cancer. I had an appointment with my onchologist a few days ago and was told that I can now have my port-a-cath removed from my chest!!! I will schedule that in the next few weeks and that will be my last surgery. I will have check-ups with the onchologist every 3 months for two years, then every 6 months for two years and then once a year for a few years more. Looking back it does not seem that this has taken so long to get to this point, but going through it there were times when it seemed that it would never end and times when I felt I could not endure or survive any further treatment. Thank you, thank you, to all of you who have listened to me complain and cry and who have given me much needed hugs and words of encouragment. My family has been amazing. They have endured my grouchiness and sickness, taken over the tasks that I would usually do and given me lots of love and encouragement. I am a lucky woman!

'GAINS OUT WEIGH LOSSES"

SINCE FINDING A LUMP IN MY BREAST ON JANUARY 2, 2011:
I HAVE HAD: 33 radiation treatments
14 chemo treatments (love the nurses at Arizona Onchology)
20 blood draws
26 doctor appts (besides chemo dates)
3 iv’s for nausea
4 injections to enhance white blood cell production
3 surgeries
2 CT scans
1 pet scan
2 MRI’s
1 mamogram
1 ultrasound
1 biopsy
1 EKG
1 echocardiogram
2 injections of radioactive dye
1 genetics test (was negative - yipee!)

I’VE EXPERIENCED: nausea, rash on arms and hands, loss of hair, eyebrows and eyelashes
neuropathy in hands and feet, loss of some fingernails, dry eyes, mouth and nose, sores in mouth and nose, nasty taste in mouth and all food tasted bad, FATIGUE, and achy joints and muscles.

I missed 30 ½ days of work - 18 of those without pay

BUT....... I’ve also received LOTS of love, hugs, kisses and prayers on my behalf; flowers; meals; cards; letters; phone calls; e-mails; pink breast cancer clothing and jewelry; "pink party"; beautiful quilt made for me by friends; foot rubs; cute knited hats to cover my cold, bald head; and words of encouragement.

I’VE GAINED a deeper appreciation for life, love and relationships; new friends; new perspective; more strength and confidence in my ability to deal with tough things; and a closer relationship with my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ.

MY HOW TIME FLIES!!!

I honestly did not think it had been this LONG since I last posted!! I am doing well. I had my 16th of 33 radiation treatments this morning. I have them each morning at 7:10 a.m. and my last one is scheduled for October 20th. That day happens to be my oldest son, Jared's, 33rd birthday! Kind of strange to think back to the day he was born and how our life as a family was just beginning and we never could have imagined the joys and trials that were ahead of us. It's good that life is that way, no sense worrying about the bad things that might be ahead. We just wait until if and when they happen and just deal with them the best we can. Whoa, I did not plan on being so philosophical!! Ha

My eyebrows are back and I LOVE them! My hair has been growing back for about three months, but is still only about an inch long with lots of gray. It's funny becuase people who don't know about the cancer and chemo have told me that they really like my haircut. I just smile and say "thank you".

I finished my algebra class the middle of August and got a "B". I am taking an anatomy class at Pima College west campus on Monday and Wednesday evenings from 5:40 to 8:20. The class is intense and there is a lot to memorize, but I love it. It is so interesting and the teacher is such a good teacher that I am mesmerized the entire class period. My Radiation Oncologist thinks I am nuts for taking a class on top of working and radiation treatment, but I really function better when I am busy and accomplishing something. Some of you may not know that I am working on the pre-requisites to apply to the nursing program at Pima. I missed one semester and did not want to get any further behind. If I make the grades necessary, I have two more semesters after this one to be able to apply.

My grandsons are as cute as ever. When I am feeling a little down or that I don't want to get exercise or eat right, I remind myself that I want to be healthy and strong because I want to always be an involved grandma who can run and play with those little guys!

I love and appreciate all of you, my friends. Each one of you add something special to my life.

GREAT WEEKEND

FEELING GOOD!

I am feeling really good these days. I have some pain from the surgery and the "cording" in my arm pit (google cording after lymph removal), but for the most part, I feel well, I have more energy than I have had in many months, and food is tasting pretty near normal. How could I complain! Last Saturday was Greggs 56th birthday and all our sons, daughter-in-law and grandsons were with us for the entire weekend! It was great. The house always is a little TOO quiet when they all leave. We are fortunate to live only a couple hours away from Jared and his family and Evan trys to make it from California everytime we have a special event or celebration. I sure love them all! I am waiting on my health insurance to approve some physical therapy visits so I can treat the "cording". I have an appointment on August 24th with the radiation onchologist and will probably start radiation treatment the next week. Thank you all for caring about me and being such a support when I need it. You are all GREAT!

Surgery again!

A few hours after my last post, the breast surgeon called to give me the results of the pathology report. There was cancer on one of the corners of what he had removed from the breast so he needed to go back in and take out some more from that area. I was a little discouraged, but wanted to just get it over with, so day before yesterday I had another surgery. I had more pain after this one than the prior one and had nausea the day after and a bad headache for two days. But I'm back at work this afternoon. The breast does not hurt much and the headache is gone, but oh my gosh, my emotions are totally out of wack!! But I just had a good little cry and feel better now. I have an appointment with the oncologist tomorrow and we will discuss when I start radiation treatment. On another note, my son, Evan, is coming this Sunday evening to visit for a week and Gregg has the entire week off from work so... I am thinking up some projects they and Kirk can work on around the house. Bet they'll be thrilled! Ha. I Love and Appreciate All of You!

SURGERY

I appologize to any of you who follow my blog but are not on facebook for not posting sooner after surgery. I had surgery last Friday and it went very well. Besides removing the remains of the tumor in my breast, I only had to have two lymph nodes removed. That was great news. I did not get sick from the anesthesia, which was another good thing. But it was very interesting trying to wake up afterwards. The male nurse kept asking me if I was in pain and all I could do was stare at him as I could not make my mouth work. So he said, "well you must be in pain because your heart rate is so fast" and he gave me some pain medication. And since I was in pain, that was good. Ask Kirk about he and Gregg helping me walk into the house and he will laugh and laugh. My legs were like rubber and kept giving out on me. Wish we had taken a video. It would be fun to watch! I had hoped to hear by today the results of the patology report to see if the doctor got all of the cancer, or if I have to have more removed, but so far, no news. I have an appointment with the doctor on Monday. I'll post when I get the results. Thanks for listening. Love you all

LIFE IS ALL ABOUT HOW YOU HANDLE PLAN "B"

I spent this last weekend with my dear friend, Debbie Devine, who was visiting from Washington. We went out to eat at Cracker Barrel Saturday night and found the cutest things in their gift shop. One of the items I purchased was a note pad with the following printed on it:

Plan "A" is always my first choice... the one where everything works out. But more often than not, I find myself dealing with the upside-down version where nothing goes as it should. It's at this point the real test of my character comes in... Do I sink or swim? Do I wallow in self-pity or do I simply shift gears and make the best of the situation? The choice is mine. Life really is all about how you handle Plan "B". -- Suzy Toronto

This is so true. Thank you to all of you who have helped me to handle my most recent Plan "B" as well as I have. As a p.s., I got an "A" on my algebra test this week!! and I have my surgery on Friday morning.

QUILT PHOTO & CANCER UPDATE

Remember the "pink party"? Well Mary Woods finished the quilt for me and here is a photo of it. Isn't it beautiful? I feel special every time I look at it and I cuddle with it on the couch in the late evening (while the air conditioner is on, ha). Thanks to all who were involved in making the quilt or just coming to the party. It will be a constant reminder or how whatever challenges we face in life are easier to handle with the support of friends and family. Now on to a cancer update: Three weeks ago today I had my last chemo. Went to the cancer doctor yesterday and had blood work done and my blood counts are ALL normal! Woohoo! The doctor said that she has seen patients 6 months after the completion of chemo who still are not back to normal blood counts. I have been feeling much better and have more energy. Not quite enough to start riding my bike again, but enough to last through an entire day of work and a summer school class in the evenings. ( A few weeks ago I was having a "feeling down" day and decided that I needed something to focus on besides having cancer, surgery and radiation. So... I registered to take Intermediate Algebra at Pima for this summer school session. Tonight is my 4th night of class and so far, so good. I really like the teacher and the way he teaches. It is a 5 week course, M-Th 5:30 to 7:40 p.m. at the downtown campus. ) I will be having surgery on Friday, July 22nd. I am having a lumpectomy and removal of lymph nodes. This is done as outpatient and hopefully I will be up and functioning within a few days after. I'm anxious to have it behind me! I'll keep you posted. Thanks for your love and support

EXCITING NEWS!!!

I went for my chemotherapy treatment today and I asked the doctor if I could have only one more after today and skip that last one because the neuropathy in my hands is getting worse and I am not getting even one day that I am not so tired. He said that most people are not able to complete all 12 and that since I have had such a great result so far, he would be very comfortable with today being my LAST chemo!! Of course, I said, "sounds good to me"!! Now don't expect me to bounce back to my old self anytime soon as it can take many months and even up to a year to completely recover from the chemo effects, but my taste should improve in 6 weeks and my dry, irritated eyes, nose and mouth, should feel better in 4-6 weeks!! I am one happy camper right now. I will have surgery on July 22nd for a lumpectomy and lymph nodes removal. I the pathology report from the lump (which is only a tiny spot now) comes back that there are still cancer cells around the outside edges, then I will need to go back and have a mastectomy. The surgery is outpatient and it takes 5 days to get the pathology report. I have two entire weeks now with NO medical appointments. And Jared got hired by a company yesterday and starts to work on July 11th. (He has been out of work since the end of February) Yep, life is pretty darn good right now!! Thank you all so much for loving a caring about me. Each of you are important to me! P.S. I'll be back to sweeping walls and pulling weeds in no time!

BENEFITS OF.....

Benefits of being bald: quick showers, save $ on haircuts. Benefits of neuropathy in hands, irritated eyes, extreme fatigue, feeling ill: humility. Hope of more time to share kisses, hugs and laughter with family and friends: PRICELESS and worth it all

DECISIONS & FRUSTRATION

My desk calendar at work has a quote on it today that helped me re-evaluate my frustrations.

I don’t really care if my glass
is half full or half empty -
I’m just happy to have a glass.
- Joe Farrell

I had been trying to decide whether to have a mastectomy or lumpectomy and if mastectomy, one breast or both, reconstruction or not. Well, last week while I was receiving chemo therapy I heard another patient telling the volunteer who works there that she had finished all her treatment 5 months ago and thought everything was fine but had recently had a PET scan which indicated that the cancer was back and she was having the hardest time knowing she had to go through chemo all over again. Her cancer was not breast, but after hearing her story, I decided that I am going to have a mastectomy of just the left breast. Reconstruction or not is something I still need to decide. I feeling really good and peaceful about the decision.
Now for the frustration, you might recall that a few weeks ago I could not receive the chemo therapy because my white blood cell count was too low. I was disappointed because that put me a week behind. WELL, this past Tuesday the count was too low again! But this time the doctor said to come back today and if the count was high enough I could have chemo. Thankfully, it was high enough (barely) and I was able to get my dose of chemical! (Kind of funny to want that) The doctor talked like this might be happening more frequently now. DARN IT! I have five more chemo treatments to go, but if we have to keep spreading them further apart, it could take up to 10 weeks. Guess I get to work on being patient and letting GOD be in control.

IT’S A PINK PARTY!!!!

A couple of weeks ago some friends of mine had a "Pink Party" in my honor. There were about 31 women in attendance and I felt so loved . The evening even came with a rainbow! We all wore pink and the refreshments were pink. Prior to the party I was asked to pick out a quilt pattern that I would like made for me and it was worked on that night. The quilt pieces were taken home by Mary Woods and she will complete it. The quilt has the word "FRIENDS" appliqued across the bottom. I am so excited to receive it and will always think of how blessed I am to have so many friends and family who love and support me, not just through the journey of breast cancer, but through the journey of life.

MORE THAN HALF WAY THROUGH CHEMO!!!

I was not able to have chemo last week because my white blood cell count was too low so I had to take a week off. I was disappointed because that puts me a week behind, but on the up side, I was less tired last week. My while blood cell count was back up yesterday and so I had chemo. I am now more than 1/2 way through the chemo. I've had 9 treatments and 7 more to go!! Now to back up to Mother's Day Weekend. All my sons, daughter-in-law and grandsons were here for the the Mother's Day weekend to celebrate Mother's Day and my 55th Birthday which was the day after Mother's Day. I did not know that Evan was going to be here from California and so I was totally surprised when he walked in Friday night. We all had a great time being together and eating some of our favorites, german pancakes with peaches, Gregg's tacos, steak cooked on the grill, etc. (and I did not cook any of it) It makes me really happy to have everyone together and it was really quiet when they all left Sunday evening. I am so blessed. This breast cancer and the treatment requred for it is not a road block, but just a speed bump. (saying from a cup my sister gave me). Thank you all for your love and support.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

Had chemo this morning - that was treatment number 8 - 8 more to go! I have not gotten sick from this 2nd drug, just tired. I really miss taking classes at Pima College and stretching my brain. I've missed one sememster and will miss one more, but I guess doing what is necessary to be alive to take more classes is a worthwhile endeavor! Ha I've been feeling a little down this past week and tell myself that others haven't done as well as me on treatment and I have so much to be thankful for but heck, all the side effects can be annoying - bad taste in mouth and all food tasting bad, little sores on arms, rash on hands, bottom of feet peeling, very irritated eyes, can cause one to be a little down and that's alright? Isn't it? Love to you all

WHAT A ROLLER COASTER RIDE!

Last Sunday I walked in the Susan Komen Walk for a Cure. I did the entire 3.1 miles and had energy to spare. It was amazing! I even cooked dinner Sunday evening, fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy. (First meal I’ve cooked in many months) I had my new chemo drug on Monday morning. They had to give me benadryl prior to the chemo drug in case I had an allergic reaction, which thankfully, I did not. But due to the benadryl I was sleepy for several hours after treatment. I did work from 2:30 to 5:00 p.m. Tuesday morning I woke up and felt great. So great that I got up, cleaned and dusted my bedroom and vacuumed the entire house before going to work. (Oh, it was just like the good ole days!) Felt good all day Tuesday. Well.... come Wednesday morning that was all over, no more energy. I still went to work but left at noon and spent the rest of the day resting at home. Yesterday, I could barely get out of bed due to lack of energy. I did work from 10:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m., but it was a struggle all the way! Today I feel better and am at work but still feel weak and don’t think I will be able to stay the whole day. I am thankful for each day that I feel well and have some energy, but on the days I am so wiped out, I just want to cry - actually some days I do have a little cry. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.

Half full ... or .... Half empty??

I was thinking the other day about the old, "How do you see the glass, half full or half empty?" Well it depends on the mood I’m in at the moment and I decided that there is another category, which is "that the bottom has fallen out of my glass and it is as empty as can be". That was how I felt last Saturday, Sunday and Monday as I was so exhausted that I was either sleeping or laying on the couch for those three days. The chemo on March 28th did not make me sick which I am grateful for, but boy did it wipe me out. Okay, I have to say that now that I think about it, I did get to spend Saturday and Sunday, sleeping and laying on the couch or air mattress at Jared’s house so I had the little grandsons to cheer me. They were so cute, Garrett (4 yr) and Brexton (3 yr) would cuddle up next to me and say, "Grandma, I love you" and then ask why I was so tired and why I couldn’t play. Looking back never seems as bad as when you are there, but at the time I felt like saying, "forget the whole thing" (whatever that means) Anyway, the past two days I have had more energy and am looking forward to having even more tomorrow and guess what I am going to use that energy for...... Thrift store shopping!! Yahoo!! Next Monday, the 11th, I start my once a week chemo with a different drug. It is not suppose to make me sick and some of the other side affects (sores in mouth, dry, irritated eyes, sores on skin) might not be so bad. It takes longer to administer, about 3 hours instead of 1 ½ hours so my time will change from 2:00 p.m. to 9:00 a.m. Thank you all for your love and support and I really would have to say that my glass is half full.

THE FUN

Gregg and I had a wonderful time on our trip to Provo, Utah. We left here the evening of the 10th and drove to Mesa where we spent the night with our son, Jared and his family. We got there in time to read a few stories to the grandsons before bed. Then early the next morning Jared dropped us off at the Phoenix Airport. Gregg loves having the window seat and was pointing out landmarks on the ground most of the way. (I really wasn’t interested and just wanted to rest, but hated to burst his bubble) Our son, Evan, drove from California and arrived Friday afternoon (started driving Thursday night). The wedding was wonderful and we visited with family and friends. It was like a 3 day reunion with some of our most favorite people!! We arrived home late Sunday night still talking about what a wonderful time we had. THEN.......

THE NOT SO FUN

Monday afternoon had chemotherapy. The actually receiving the drugs is no big deal and I actually enjoy visiting with the other’s there or reading my book, but the after effects are another story! I got a patch (anti-nausea drug) this time to wear for five days after. The first day after I felt great, but from then on it was nausea, tiredness, grumpiness... Dang it!!! I have new effects like a rash on my forehead and face that sting and burns, soles of feet and palms of hands feel raw (that’s getting better) I gotta be honest with you, I am sooo dreading this next chemo which will be Monday the 28th. I keep reminding myself that it won’t last forever and that I can do it, but myself isn’t always impressed with that thought. BUT, this is my last awful chemo then I switch to a different drug. It will be once a week but is not suppose to make me nauseated or sick. The jury is still out on that and I will let you know. Thanks for listening! Love you all

Feeling Much Better

Boy, it has been a rough week and 1/2, but I feel so much better today and am hopeful that I will feel like my old self by Thursday or Friday. I had blood drawn yesterday and my white blood cell count was down to 470 (last time one week after chemo it was 960 - normal is between 4-5 thousand) I'm praying that it is back up significantly when I go back for a blood draw tomorrow. Gregg and I have airline tickets to fly to Salt Lake City this Friday to attend the wedding of a young man, Alex Woods, who is like another son to us. I am so looking forward to a few days away and feeling well. Gregg's sister, Janet, lives in Provo and we will be staying with her and her husband. Anway, if my white blood cell count is not back up, the doctor is going to ask me not to go. I have lost must of the buzzed hair and am posting a photo that Kirk took of me this past Sunday. I will have to have one taken of me with my wig which I must say looks very natural. Love to you All

So Sick!

SO SICK all night and this morning from yesterday's chemo, Yuck! Went in about 9:00 this moring and got an iv of fluid and more anti-nausea meds. Worked great, went home and slept for 2 1/2 hours and them came to work. We will now try plan "C" next chemo with yet a different anti-nausea med. The anit-nausea meds work by blocking the receptors in your brain that tell your body to be nauseated and throw up. My brain just doesn't work like most - anyone surprised about that. Ha ! Love you all

Yesterday morning as I was washing my hair, I noticed that a large amount of hair was coming off in my hands. I went ahead and blew it dry and did not touch it again, so that I could attend church with some hair! Ha. We were at my son's home in Mesa for the day, but when we returned home last night, we had a hair buzzing party! Here are a couple photos. I wore a wig to work today, but about an hour ago I could not stand having it on my head any longer and took it off then sent a message to everyone's computer telling them not to faint, but I had taken my wig off! I will be going to chemo in about 30 minutes and I will look at other wigs. Such experiences I am having!

BLESSINGS

I am soooo grateful to feel almost normal today!!! Not nauseated, food is tasting close to normal and my spirits are lifted. I still tire quickly, but that should get better also. I had an appointment this morning for post-op with the surgeon who put the port-a-cath in and this afternoon I have to go have blood drawn at Arizona Oncology, but those are all the appointments I have this week!! I don't have chemo again until next Monday and I am looking forward to a week of near normalcy. This weekend I was so totally out of energy that I spent most of my time in bed, on the couch, or in the recliner. I spent a lot of that time thinking about all the blessings in my life and reminding myself that this too shall pass and everything we experience provides us with another diminsion to who we are. My son and his wife have developed a habit with their young sons that each night they kneel in prayer together prior to going to bed and after the prayer they gather together and have a group "squish hug". Those squish hugs are the best! Well, since being diagnoised with breast cancer, I feel that I have been in the middle of an enormous group squish hug with all my family and friends. Here is a photo of flowers I received from a dear friend who lives out of state. I've also received flowers from those in town, cards, letters and telephone calls to check on me. Thank you, I love you all!

SINCE FIRST CHEMO & NEW HAIRCUT

I had my first chemo on Monday. It did not hurt too much when they put the iv in the port. It took about 1 1/2 hours to get all the mediation: anti nausea, one chemo drug, 2nd chemo drug, small bag to flush. Now I know what to expect and it the process does not seem scary. I felt okay on Tuesday, with just a headache. Went in Tuesday afternoon and had the injection that is suppose to make my white blood cells produce more rapidly. Woke up Wednesday morning and felt so sick to my stomach. Threw up at 8:30 a.m. and did not call the doctor as I had been advised. Felt better and thought I would be okay, but no so. After laying around all day concentrating on not throwing up. I threw up again and felt as if my insides were turned inside out! Called the doctor and went in for an iv of fluid and a shot for nausea. I felt so much better. But it was 3:00 by the time I went in. Next time I will definitely go right away!! Fell much better today. Next chemo they are going to give me a different anti-nausea drug as it seems the one that works for most people, did not work for me. Of course, I'm unique! P.S. here's a photo of my short hair, got it cut Tuesday evening. Thought it won't be so traumatic for me when it all falls out in about two weeks. Thank you all for your love and support.

Chemo Day

I got to work this morning and there was a large balloon bouquet of pink and white balloons with a balloon that said "Get Well" on my desk along with a pink snug sack, a pink ribbon tac pin and a pink breast cancer magnet ribbon for my van. It took me a little while to notice that everyone at work (even attorneys) were wearing pink and also a pink ribbon tac pin!!! I work with the greatest people ever! Getting my first chemo treatment doesn't seem so scary now. My appt is at 2:45 this afternoon. P.S. I wore brown today, Ha.

Today I Cried

Sunday, February 13, 2011

This morning I woke up and thought about the fact that tomorrow I have my first chemo therapy and that they will be sticking a needle through my skin into my newly installed port and the thought of anyone even touching that area makes me cringe and I cried. I haven't really cried since I found out that I had breast cancer but this morning I laid in bed with Gregg and cried and told him that I did not want to do this! He cried also and told me that he wished he could take my place. I told him not to worry, that I would do just fine, but I guess I just needed to cry for a little bit. Then I was all better.

I am having outpatient surgery tomorrow to put a port-a-cath in my chest for the purpose of using that instead of the veins in my arms to give the chemo therapy. It will be at 2:00 in the afternoon and I'm not that nervous about the surgery, but I can't eat or drink after midnight tonight - are you kidding me, what about my wake-up Dr. Pepper! It will be okay, I'm sure.

How it began

On Sunday evening, January 2, 2011, I was undressing for bed and stretched and at the same time went to scratch my left breast. My fingers ran across a large hard lump in my legft breast which I had never felt before. I called my husband in to see if it was just my imagination ... it wasn't. I have mamograms anually and had just had one in October, just 3 months prior. I planned to call my gyn and go in to have it checked. The next night I noticed that under my left arm was very sore and that if I tried to put my arm tight to my side, it felt as if I had a marble in my armpit. I knew this was a lymph node and this was not a good sign. I went to the gynocolgist on January 6th, had a mamo and sonogram on January 11th, a biopsy on January 17th and received a call from the breast surgeon on January 20th, that the results were back and I definitely had breast cancer. WHOOA, my head was spinning.